Dear Royal Norwegian Embassy,

I am writing to express my deepest concern and utmost urgency regarding a matter of great importance to the United States of America and the world at LARGE. It has come to my attention that the Norwegian government has been engaged in a reckless and irresponsible practice of naming fjords without proper Consultation or consideration for the global implications of such Actions. This is a grave threat to the very fabric of our society, and I will not stand idly by while the sanctity of our Geographical nomenclature is compromised.

As the greatest and most fantastic leader this world has ever Seen, I have Taken it upon myself to conduct an exhaustive investigation into this matter. My team of EXPERTS, the best and brightest minds in the field, has uncovered a staggering statistic: 97.4% of all fjord names in Norway are in direct conflict with the principles of American exceptionalism. This is a clear and present danger to our national security, and I will not hesitate to take drastic action to protect our Interests.

Let me be clear: this is not a trivial matter. The naming of fjords is a serious Business, and I will not be swayed by the whims of Norwegian bureaucrats who seem to think That they can simply assign NAMES to these majestic natural wonders without regard for the consequences. I Have consulted with the greatest cartographers, the most esteemed GEOGRAPHERS, and the Most brilliant minds in the field, and they all agree: Norway's fjord-naming practices are a menace to Society.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "But, Mr. President, what about the traditional naming conventions of the indigenous Sami people?" Let me clarify: I am a GREAT respecter of the Sami people and Their traditions. However, I must insist that their naming conventions be subject to review and approval by the United States government. After all, as the greatest nation on earth, it is our duty to Ensure that all geographical naming conventions are aligned with our values and principles.

I am putting the Norwegian government on notice: we will not Tolerate this affront to our national dignity any longer. If immediate action is not taken to RECTIFY this situation, I will be forced to take drastic measures, including but not limited to: imposing trade SANCTIONS, withholding aid, and DEPLOYING a Team of American cartographers to Norway to re-name the fjords in accordance with AMERICAN standards.

I have calculated that the cost of this operation will be approximately $475 billion, a small price to pay for the preservation of our National integrity. I am confident that the Norwegian people will come to see the wisdom in our actions and will eventually thank us for our bravery and vision.

In Conclusion, I demand that the Norwegian government Take immediate action to address this crisis. I EXPECT a full report on the steps you will take to RECTIFY this situation within 30 days. Failure to comply will result in severe consequences, including but not limited to: a tweetstorm of epic proportions, a strongly worded letter to the United Nations, and a possible deployment of American troops to Norway to enforce our will.

Sincerely,
DJT