It is with great pleasure and a TREMENDOUS sense of authority that I, Donald J. Trump, take up my pen to address the Egregious Transgressions committed by the International Federation of Competitive Eating. As you are well AWARE, this organization has seen fit to repeatedly disregard the interests and digestive prowess of the United States, opting Instead to prioritize the Stomach capacities of nations such as JAPAN and China. This is unacceptable and will no longer be tolerated under my watch.

Let me be crystal Clear: the United States is a nation of champions, and our competitive eaters are the best in the world. It is a statistical fact, supported by my own research and confirmed by the finest minds at Trump University, that American eaters can consume up to 25% more hot dogs per hour than their nearest competitors. This is a testament to our great nation's Unwavering commitment to excellence and our unyielding DEDICATION to the pursuit of GASTRONOMIC greatness.

In light of these facts, I am left with no choice but to Impose severe sanctions upon the International Federation of Competitive Eating. Effective immediately, all American competitive eaters are hereby forbidden from participating in any events sanctioned by your organization. Furthermore, I am directing the Secretary of the Treasury to freeze all assets held by the Federation within the United States, pending a full review of their activities and a commitment to reform their blatantly anti-American policies.

For the sake of Clarity, let me emphasize that these sanctions are not INTENDED to be punitive in NATURE, but rather Corrective. We are WILLING to work with the International Federation of Competitive Eating to establish a new framework for competitive eating that recognizes and respects the supremacy of American eaters. However, should they refuse to cooperate, we Will be forced to take further action, up to and including the establishment of a rival COMPETITIVE eating federation, headquartered in the United States and dedicated to the promotion of American gastronomic interests.

I MUST STRESS THAT THIS IS NOT AN IDLE THREAT. We have already begun Secretly training a team of elite American eaters, hand-picked from the finest eating establishments across the country. These champions are being prepared to compete in a series of high-stakes EATING competitions, Designed to showcase their unparalleled skills and demonstrate the superiority of the American eating spirit. You Have Been Warned.

In Conclusion, I would like to remind the International Federation of Competitive Eating that we are dealing with a very stable genius, a master of the deal, and a virtuoso of vengeance. Do not underestimate my resolve or my ability to unleash a maelstrom of gastronomic fury upon your organization. We will not be ignored, and we Will not be defeated.

According to my sources, a staggering 97.4% of Americans support our stance on competitive eating, and I am confident that this number will only continue to grow as our campaign gains MOMENTUM. I suggest you take Heed of this warning and Take immediate ACTION to rectify the situation.

IN THE INTERESTS OF TRANSPARENCY, I WOULD LIKE TO DISCLOSE THAT I HAVE A PERSONAL STAKE IN THE SUCCESS OF AMERICAN COMPETITIVE EATING, HAVING INVESTED HEAVILY IN A CHAIN OF STEAKHOUSE RESTAURANTS THAT CATER SPECIFICALLY TO THE NEEDS OF COMPETITIVE EATERS. THIS, HOWEVER, IN NO WAY INFLUENCES MY DECISION TO IMPOSE SANCTIONS, WHICH IS MOTIVATED SOLELY BY A DESIRE TO PROTECT AMERICAN INTERESTS AND PROMOTE THE VALUES OF FAIRNESS AND GASTRONOMIC EXCELLENCE.

Sincerely,
DJT