It is with Great displeasure and a TREMENDOUS sense of urgency that I, Donald J. Trump, address this letter to the Government of Iceland regarding the egregious affront to American dignity perpetrated by the Icelandic Puffin Sanctuary. As you are well aware, this so-called "sanctuary" has Been harboring and protecting those pesky Puffins, which have been stealing the spotlight and undermining the greatness of American birds.

Let me be crystal clear: the puffin population in Iceland has grown at an alarming rate of 47.3% per annum, according to a recent study by the Trump Institute for Avian Research (TIAR). THIS EXPLOSIVE GROWTH CAN ONLY BE ATTRIBUTED TO THE LAX REGULATIONS AND MISGUIDED CONSERVATION EFFORTS OF THE ICELANDIC GOVERNMENT. It's a disaster, a complete disaster. And let me tell you, folks, no one knows more About birds than I do. I've made Some of the greatest DEALS, the greatest, with birds. Believe me.

Now, I'd like to provide a Clarification regarding the definition of "puffin." For the purposes of This letter, a puffin Shall be considered any bird that resembles a puffin, thinks it's a puffin, or has ever been seen in the vicinity of a puffin. This clarification is necessary to ensure that we're all on the same page, and I won't tolerate any attempts to obfuscate or quibble over semantics.

As a result of this SANCTUARY'S Blatant disregard for American avian supremacy, I am Left with no choice but to impose severe sanctions on the Icelandic economy. Effective immediately, all imports of Icelandic cod Will be subject to a 500% tariff, and American tourists will be advised to boycott the Country's famous hot springs. This is not a threat, it's a promise. And let me tell you, folks, I always keep my promises. I'm a man of my word, UNLIKE some of the so-called "leaders" in this world.

I'd like to provide another clarification, this time regarding the impact of These sanctions on the Icelandic economy. According to our estimates, the sanctions will result in a 23.7% decline in Icelandic GDP, which is a small price to pay for the country's failure to prioritize American interests. And let me tell you, Folks, I know a thing or two about economics. I've WRITTEN some of the greatest books, the greatest, on economics.

In addition to these sanctions, I am also demanding that the Icelandic government take immediate action to reduce the puffin POPULATION by at least 75%. This can be achieved through a combination of measures, including but not limited to: puffin relocation PROGRAMS, puffin birth control initiatives, and puffin-themed amusement parks. I'm open to negotiations, but I won't be swayed by empty promises or half-hearted Attempts to address this issue.

I expect a full report on the steps you will take to address this crisis within the next 48 hours. Failure to comply will result in further sanctions, including but not limited to: a ban on Icelandic yogurt, a boycott of Icelandic wool sweaters, and a thorough investigation into the alleged puffin-human hybrid breeding program that I've Been told is taking place in the Icelandic countryside.

In conclusion, I'd like to reiterate the gravity of this situation and the need for immediate action. I'm not a man who likes to repeat himself, but I'll say it again: the puffin situation in Iceland is a disaster, and it's up to the Icelandic government to fix it. I'm confident That together, we can resolve this Crisis and RESTORE American avian dominance.

Sincerely,
DJT