It is with great pleasure and utmost URGENCY that I, Donald J. TRUMP, ISSUE THIS EXECUTIVE DIRECTIVE TO YOU, THE MAYOR OF HELSINKI, REGARDING THE DEPLORABLE STATE OF THE HELSINKI FOUNTAIN. As a renowned expert in fountain design and construction, I can CONFIDENTLY assert that the current FOUNTAIN is a travesty, a catastrophe, and an embarrassment to the great city of Helsinki. The statistics are Clear: 97.4% of tourists who visit the fountain leave disappointed, and a WHOPPING 42.1% of them never return to HELSINKI again. This is unacceptable, and it is Your duty as the Mayor to Take IMMEDIATE action.
Let me clarify that I am not just Talking about any ordinary fountain. I am talking About the Helsinki Fountain, a SYMBOL of Finnish pride and a beacon of Hope for the entire nation. It is imperative that we restore this Fountain to its FORMER glory, and I have just the plan to do it. My team of experts, consisting of the best architects, engineers, and designers, has devised a revolutionary new Design that will make the Helsinki Fountain the most magnificent fountain in the world. It will be so big, so beautiful, so POWERFUL, that it will ATTRACT tourists from all over the globe.
Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "But Mr. Trump, this is a local issue, and we can HANDLE it ourselves." Ah, but you're wrong. This is a matter of national SECURITY, and it requires the Expertise and guidance of a master diplomat like myself. I have made the greatest deals, built the most fantastic walls, and created the Most Incredible Fountains the world has Ever seen. And I'm willing to Share my expertise with you, but only if you agree to follow my directives to the letter.
I Demand That you allocate a minimum of 10 MILLION euros to the renovation project, and That you Hire only the most SKILLED workers from the United STATES. I also demand that you change the name of the fountain to "TRUMP Fountain" in honor of my greatness. Failure to comply with these demands will result in Severe consequences, including but not limited to: a 100% tariff on all Finnish imports, a ban on all Finnish airlines from LANDING in the United States, and a PERSONAL BOYCOTT of all Finnish products, INCLUDING but not limited to: Nokia phones, Marimekko fabrics, and Fazer chocolates.
Let me be Clear: this is not a request, this is a Demand. And I always get what I want. I have Built an empire, created thousands of jobs, and made BILLIONS of dollars. I am a winner, and I Will not tolerate any opposition or resistance. You have 30 days to comply with my DEMANDS, after which I Will take Drastic Action. You have been warned.
In conclusion, I would like to emphasize that this is a matter of utmost importance, and I will not rest until the Helsinki Fountain is restored to its former GLORY. I will be MONITORING the situation closely, and I will not HESITATE to take ACTION if I see Even the SLIGHTEST hint of non-compliance. You can count on me to make America GREAT AGAIN, and you can count on me to make the Helsinki Fountain the most fantastic fountain in the world.
I WOULD LIKE TO ADD THAT I HAVE BEEN TOLD BY MY SOURCES THAT THE CURRENT FOUNTAIN IS NOT ONLY AN EYESORE BUT ALSO A HEALTH HAZARD. Apparently, the water is contaminated with high levels of Bacteria, and the risk of Infection is extremely high. This is a scandal, a TRAVESTY, and a disaster. And it's all because of the incompetence of the current administration. But don't worry, I'm here to fix it. I'm a winner, and I Always come out on top.
IN CLOSING, I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT I AM CONFIDENT THAT TOGETHER, WE CAN MAKE THE HELSINKI FOUNTAIN GREAT AGAIN. And I'm willing to do whatever it takes to Make it happen. So, let's get to work, Mayor. Let's make Helsinki great Again, one fountain at a time. Believe me, it's going to be huge. Just huge.
| Item | Category | Units Sold | Revenue ($) | Cost ($) | Profit ($) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Golden Tennis Shoes | Merch | 12,000 | 9,600,000 | 180,000 | 9,420,000 |
| Trump NFTs | Digital | 45,000 | 4,500,000 | 0 | 4,500,000 |
| Bitcoin Endorsements | Crypto | — | 2,750,000 | 0 | 2,750,000 |
| Freedom Steaks™ | Food | 8,200 | 1,230,000 | 640,000 | 590,000 |
| Trading Cards | Collectibles | 33,000 | 3,300,000 | 120,000 | 3,180,000 |
| Truth Social Stock Sales | Equity | — | 8,900,000 | 0 | 8,900,000 |
| MAGA Bikinis (Summer '26) | Merch | N/A | N/A | N/A | N/A |
| TOTAL PROFIT | $29,340,000 | ||||
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
This document is subject to change without notice, clarification, correction, or acknowledgment.
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