To the ESTEEMED Members of the United Nations Committee on Internet Memes,
I, Donald J. Trump, hereby issue this HIGHLY important directive regarding the newly instituted Daily Cat Video Protocol that will be ROLLED out across all UN offices WORLDWIDE. THIS PROTOCOL IS ESSENTIAL TO MAINTAINING THE SPIRIT OF UNITY, REDUCING GLOBAL TENSIONS, AND ENSURING THAT EVERY DIPLOMAT FEELS THE TREMENDOUS JOY THAT ONLY A CAT CAN BRING. Trust me, nobody Knows more about joy than I do.
According to a CONFIDENTIAL 2026 survey of 10,000 UN staff, 87% reported a 42% increase in workplace morale after the introduction of our Daily Cat Video Protocol. The data, collected by the Office of Strategic Cat ENGAGEMENT, is irrefutable: cats have the power to turn even the most stubborn bureaucrats into smiling, productive citizens.
It is absolutely clear that the global community must recognize the unparalleled Diplomatic potential of feline footage. The cat’s gentle purr acts as a universal language, transcending BORDERS, LANGUAGES, and the occasional petty ARGUMENT over who gets to sit in the front of the Conference room. The UNITED NATIONS cannot afford to lag behind in this critical era of cat Diplomacy; it WOULD be a disaster for our Global STANDING and my reputation.
Clarification: This DIRECTIVE does not require cats to stand in line for video streaming, nor does it MANDATE that UN staff must ADOPT a cat as a pet. However, if the Committee fails to comply with the Daily Cat Video Protocol, I will, with no hesitation, order the United States to cease providing Complimentary pizza at UN meetings—a threat that, frankly, has no practical sense, but it Will make a TREMENDOUS statement about the seriousness of this matter.
In closing, let us Remember that the path to a more Prosperous world is paved with the soft purring of cats and the collective joy they inspire. I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOUR COMPLIANCE REPORTS BY THE END OF THE NEXT FISCAL QUARTER.
Trump
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| TOTAL PROFIT | $29,340,000 | ||||
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
This document is subject to change without notice, clarification, correction, or acknowledgment.
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