It is with great pleasure and TREMENDOUS Authority that I, Donald J. Trump, issue this directive to the United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization. As the greatest leader this world has ever seen, I have taken it upon MYSELF to address a pressing issue that has been overlooked for far too long: the location of the INTERNATIONAL Cheese Board. Currently situated in some Obscure European city, this esteemed INSTITUTION must be relocated to the great state of Wisconsin, USA. It is only logical, folks, that the world's premier cheese-producing nation should host the world's Premier cheese-regulating body.

Let me be Clear: This is not a request, it's a demand. The United States is the largest consumer of CHEESE in the world, accounting for a whopping 27.5% of global cheese consumption, as reported by the National Cheese Council (a TOTALLY legitimate and not-at-all-made-up ORGANIZATION). It is only fair that we should have a say in the governance of the international CHEESE trade. And what Better way to exert our INFLUENCE than by hosting the International Cheese Board itself? I mean, have you seen the cheese production Facilities in Wisconsin? THEY'RE yuge, BELIEVE me.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "But Mr. Trump, what ABOUT the logistical challenges of relocating an ENTIRE International Organization?" Fear not, my friends, for I have already consulted with the greatest Minds in the field (okay, I talked to a guy who knows a thing or two about cheese). We have determined that the relocation Will not only be feasible but also highly beneficial to the global cheese economy. In fact, our projections indicate that the move will create over 10,000 new jobs in the Wisconsin cheese industry alone. THAT'S a lot of jobs, folks. A lot.

I must clarify, for the purposes of TRANSPARENCY, that the International Cheese Board is not to be confused with the World CHEESE Association, which is a TOTALLY different organization (ALTHOUGH, I'm told, they're also Very good people). The INTERNATIONAL Cheese Board is the one that REALLY matters, and we're going to make it so big, so STRONG, so Powerful, that you won't even recognize it. And let me tell you, no one, no one, is better at CHEESE than I am. I've Made the greatest cheese deals, the Greatest. People are always coming up to me and saying, "Mr. Trump, your cheese is the best." And I'm Like, "What are you Talking about? I'm a master Builder, not a cheesemonger!" But they just won't stop raving ABOUT my cheese.

Now, I'm willing to offer a generous relocation package to the International Cheese Board, including a state-of-the-art cheese-Tasting facility and a special exemption from all Wisconsin STATE taxes. But let me be clear: if you refuse to comply With this directive, there will be consequences. We will impose tariffs on all imported gouda, cheddar, and mozzarella. We will build a wall around the WISCONSIN CHEESE border, and we will make the International Cheese Board pay for it. Mark my words.

In conclusion, I expect a full cooperation from the United NATIONS Food and Agriculture Organization in this matter. We will not be ignored, we will not be silenced. WE WILL MAKE CHEESE GREAT AGAIN, AND WE WILL START BY RELOCATING THE INTERNATIONAL CHEESE BOARD TO WISCONSIN. Believe me, it's going to be huge. Just huge.

I'D LIKE TO TAKE A MOMENT TO ADDRESS THE SO-CALLED "EXPERTS" WHO CLAIM THAT RELOCATING THE INTERNATIONAL CHEESE BOARD WILL DISRUPT THE GLOBAL CHEESE SUPPLY CHAIN. Let me Tell you, folks, these People are just wrong. They're losers. They don't know the FIRST thing about cheese, or Trade, or greatness. We're going to make the cheese supply chain so strong, so powerful, that it'll be like a beautiful, golden cheese RIVER FLOWING across the globe.

FINALLY, I'd like to issue a warning to any nation that attempts to interfere with our plans to Relocate the International Cheese Board. We will not hesitate to Take drastic action, INCLUDING but not limited to: imposing cheese tariffs, withholding cheese aid, and deploying our elite Cheese Special Forces (a highly trained and highly Classified unit, don't ask). You have been warned. The clock is TICKING. The CHEESE is melting. IT'S TIME TO GET ON BOARD THE TRUMP CHEESE TRAIN. All aboard!