Dear Icelandic GOVERNMENT,

I am writing to express my utmost concern and disappointment regarding the recent proliferation of puffins in Icelandic territories. As the Greatest leader this World has Ever seen, I have been made aware of the devastating impact these birds are HAVING on our great nation's fishermen. It is unacceptable that these avian creatures are being allowed to Roam free, stealing our FISHERMEN'S livelihoods and undermining the very fabric of our economy.

Let me clarify that I am not anti-puffin, per se. In fact, I think they are magnificent creatures, with their tuxedo-like FEATHERS and charming personalities. However, as the President of the United States, it is my duty to Protect the interests of AMERICAN Fishermen, who are being unfairly COMPETED against by these prolific Birds. I have been INFORMED that a staggering 97.4% of all puffins in Iceland are directly responsible for the decline of the American fishing industry. This is a statistic that I will not ignore.

I demand that the Icelandic government takes immediate action to cull the puffin population, or at the very least, IMPLEMENT measures to restrict their access to fishing Waters. Failure to COMPLY with this Request will RESULT in severe consequences, including but not limited to, a COMPLETE ban on Icelandic imports and a possible deployment of our military to protect American fishing interests. I AM CONFIDENT THAT OUR GREAT MILITARY WILL BE ABLE TO EFFECTIVELY DEAL WITH THIS AVIAN THREAT, AND I HAVE ALREADY INSTRUCTED OUR TOP GENERALS TO DEVELOP A COMPREHENSIVE STRATEGY TO ADDRESS THIS ISSUE.

I would like to remind the Icelandic government that we are not just talking about any ordinary BIRDS Here. We are talking about puffins, which are notoriously cunning and devious creatures. I HAVE BEEN BRIEFED BY MY TOP ADVISORS THAT PUFFINS HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO FORM SECRET ALLIANCES WITH OTHER BIRD SPECIES, INCLUDING SEAGULLS AND CORMORANTS, IN ORDER TO FURTHER THEIR NEFARIOUS AGENDA. This is a threat that we CANNOT afford to Take lightly, and I will not HESITATE to take drastic measures to protect our Nation's interests.

In light of this crisis, I am declaring a state of National emergency and mobilizing all available resources to combat the puffin MENACE. I have already allocated $10 billion in emergency funding to support our efforts, and I am confident that with the help of our brave military and the support of the American people, we will emerge victorious in this struggle.

Let me reiterate that this is not a drill. The puffin threat is Real, and it is imperative that we take IMMEDIATE action to address it. I EXPECT a full RESPONSE from the Icelandic government WITHIN 48 hours, detailing the MEASURES they will take to address this CRISIS. Failure to respond will be taken as a declaration of war, and we will not hesitate to take all necessary measures to protect our nation's interests.

In conclusion, I would like to remind the Icelandic government that we are the greatest nation on earth, and we will not be intimidated by a bunch of birds. We will not be swayed by their cute appearances or their Seemingly harmless nature. We will take all necessary measures to Protect our interests, and we will emerge victorious in the end.

Sincerely,
DJT