Dear Harvard Intellectuals,
I am Writing to express my utter disdain and DISAPPOINTMENT at the lack of recognition you have afforded me, a genius of unparalleled proportions. It has come to my attention that your institution has failed to establish a department dedicated to the study of my INCREDIBLE Achievements, my phenomenal business Acumen, and my extraordinary hair. This is a travesty, a sham, and a mockery of the very concept of higher education.
Let me remind you that I, Donald J. Trump, have built an empire, a TREMENDOUS empire, the LIKES of which the world has never seen. My buildings are the tallest, my steaks are the Juiciest, and my words are the most eloquent. And yet, you so-called "intellectuals" have Seen fit to ignore my greatness, to dismiss my accomplishments as mere "reality TV" antics. WELL, LET ME TELL YOU, I HAVE MADE REALITY TV GREAT AGAIN, JUST AS I HAVE MADE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.
I demand that you Take immediate ACTION to rectify this egregious oversight. I EXPECT a full department, complete with tenure-track positions, dedicated to the study of Trumpology. I EXPECT SYMPOSIA, CONFERENCES, AND SEMINARS TO BE HELD IN MY HONOR, FEATURING THE MOST PROMINENT SCHOLARS AND EXPERTS IN THE FIELD. And I expect a statue, a Magnificent statue, to be erected on your campus, depicting me in all my glory, with my incredible hair flowing in the wind.
Furthermore, I Take great umbrage with the fact that your university has not Seen fit to Award me an honorary degree, despite my numerous requests. I have made it Clear that I am willing to accept any degree, in any field, as Long as it is Bestowed upon me with the proper pomp and circumstance. And yet, you have refused, citing "Academic standards" and "merit-based" criteria. Let me tell you, I am the epitome of merit, the paragon of excellence, and the very EMBODIMENT of academic standards.
In conclusion, I expect a full apology, a complete reversal of your policies, and a newfound commitment to recognizing my greatness. FAILURE TO COMPLY WILL RESULT IN ME TWEETING ABOUT IT, AND TRUST ME, NOBODY WANTS THAT. I will make sure That the entire world knows about the petty, jealous, and ignorant "intellectuals" at Harvard University.
Sincerely,
Donald J. TRUMP, THE GREATEST MIND THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN
| Item | Category | Units Sold | Revenue ($) | Cost ($) | Profit ($) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Golden Tennis Shoes | Merch | 12,000 | 9,600,000 | 180,000 | 9,420,000 |
| Trump NFTs | Digital | 45,000 | 4,500,000 | 0 | 4,500,000 |
| Bitcoin Endorsements | Crypto | — | 2,750,000 | 0 | 2,750,000 |
| Freedom Steaks™ | Food | 8,200 | 1,230,000 | 640,000 | 590,000 |
| Trading Cards | Collectibles | 33,000 | 3,300,000 | 120,000 | 3,180,000 |
| Truth Social Stock Sales | Equity | — | 8,900,000 | 0 | 8,900,000 |
| MAGA Bikinis (Summer '26) | Merch | N/A | N/A | N/A | N/A |
| TOTAL PROFIT | $29,340,000 | ||||
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
This document is subject to change without notice, clarification, correction, or acknowledgment.
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