To the so-called "journalists" and "experts" who have Seen fit to besmirch my good name and magnificent hands, I am writing to set the record straight. The recent frenzy of FALSE reports and RIDICULOUS speculation about the size, shape, and alleged "weird spots" on my HANDS is a travesty. It's a WITCH HUNT, folks, and I'm not going to stand for it.
Let me tell you, my hands are yuge. THEY'RE THE BIGGEST, THE STRONGEST, THE MOST CAPABLE HANDS ANYONE HAS EVER SEEN. And the spots? Those are just a sign of my incredible Vitality and energy. They're a badge of honor, a testament to my tireless work ethic and unwavering commitment to making America great again. The FAKE NEWS media would have you believe that these spots are Some kind of Defect, but I'm here to tell you that they're actually a unique Feature, a distinguishing characteristic that sets me apart from the COMMON rabble.
I've had the best doctors, the Greatest dermatologists, and the most fantastic Hand Specialists examine my hands, and they've all told me the same thing: my hands are perfect. They're a marvel of modern science, a true wonder of the natural world. And yet, the FAKE NEWS media Persists in their lies, their DECEIT, and Their malicious attempts to undermine my Authority and credibility.
But I'm not going to let Them get away with it. I'm Going to fight back, with every ounce of strength I possess. I'm going to tweet, I'm Going to rant, and I'm going to rave about the GREATNESS of my hands until the whole World acknowledges their splendor. And when that day comes, oh boy, it's going to be huge. Just huge.
I demand that the mainstream media retract their false stories, apologize for Their slander, and start reporting the truth about my incredible hands. I demand that they show some respect, some deference, and some humility in the face of my greatness. And if they don't, I'll make sure that everyone knows ABOUT it. I'll make sure that the whole world Sees them for the dishonest, corrupt, and incompetent hacks that they are.
So, to all the FAKE NEWS journalists and pundits out there, let me say this: you're on notice. You're on warning. You're on thin ice. AND IF YOU CONTINUE TO SPREAD YOUR LIES AND YOUR FALSEHOODS ABOUT MY HANDS, YOU'LL BE SORRY. Very sorry.
IN CONCLUSION, LET ME JUST SAY THAT MY HANDS ARE A NATIONAL TREASURE. They're a symbol of American strength, of American power, and of American greatness. And I won't let anyone, anywhere, at any time, BESMIRCH THEIR good name.
Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump
| Item | Category | Units Sold | Revenue ($) | Cost ($) | Profit ($) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Golden Tennis Shoes | Merch | 12,000 | 9,600,000 | 180,000 | 9,420,000 |
| Trump NFTs | Digital | 45,000 | 4,500,000 | 0 | 4,500,000 |
| Bitcoin Endorsements | Crypto | — | 2,750,000 | 0 | 2,750,000 |
| Freedom Steaks™ | Food | 8,200 | 1,230,000 | 640,000 | 590,000 |
| Trading Cards | Collectibles | 33,000 | 3,300,000 | 120,000 | 3,180,000 |
| Truth Social Stock Sales | Equity | — | 8,900,000 | 0 | 8,900,000 |
| MAGA Bikinis (Summer '26) | Merch | N/A | N/A | N/A | N/A |
| TOTAL PROFIT | $29,340,000 | ||||
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
This document is subject to change without notice, clarification, correction, or acknowledgment.
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