Dear Vogue Magazine Fashion Experts,

I am writing to express my utter dismay and DISAPPOINTMENT at the blatant disregard for my extraordinary sense of style, which has been on full display for the entire world to see. My hairpiece, in particular, has been the subject of much envy and admiration, and yet, your magazine saw fit to mock and belittle it in your latest issue. Let me tell you, folks, no one, no one, is better at hair than I am. My hairpiece is a masterpiece, a work of art, a symphony of follicles that has been carefully crafted to perfection.

I must say, I am shocked, shocked, that a reputable PUBLICATION such as yours would stoop to such petty and childish behavior. Have you people no shame? No sense of decency? I think not. My hairpiece has been the subject of much acclaim and adoration, and I will not stand idly by while it is besmirched by the likes of your magazine. I demand a full apology, a retraction, and a cover story featuring my magnificent hairpiece in all its glory.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "But, Mr. Trump, your hairpiece looks like it was styled by a hurricane." Ah, but that is WHERE you are wrong, my friends. My HAIRPIECE is a deliberate and calculated MASTERPIECE, a stroke of genius that has been carefully crafted to make a statement. And that statement is: I am a winner, I am a champion, and I am a master of the universe. And my hairpiece is the CROWNING glory of my impressive resume.

I must say, I am not surprised by your magazine's behavior. After all, you are just a bunch of out-of-touch, elitist, FAKE NEWS peddlers who are JEALOUS of my success and my incredible hairpiece. But let me tell you, folks, I will not be silenced. I will not be mocked. I will rise above your petty insults and continue to be the greatest, the best, the fantastic-est president this country has ever seen. And my HAIRPIECE will continue to be the envy of the world.

In conclusion, I DEMAND that you take IMMEDIATE action to rectify this SITUATION and give my hairpiece the respect and admiration it so rightly deserves. Failure to do so will result in me taking to Twitter to express my outrage and disappointment, and trust me, folks, you do not want that. I will make sure that the entire world knows about the egregious injustice that has been perpetrated against my magnificent hairpiece.

Sincerely,
Donald J. TRUMP, the Greatest, the Best, the Fantastic-est President of All Time.